A Message from the Ghost of Employment Future

Many of you will find yourselves graduating this semester and likely on the long arduous search for work. Some may have jobs that you held during the semesters while others might’ve focused solely on academics in lieu of a steady paycheck. Whatever the case, once you get your fancy-shmancy degree, you’re going to have to make it look like you’re a pro. I mean, you are a pro, but you gotta make them believe it. Your prospective employers.

Yeah, you got some wicked awesome grades. 3.5 GPA? Not everybody can boast that. Heck, it might even be just what your employer’s looking for. Your resume? It was pretty boss. It could just snag you that job.

But wait. I can see it now:

Mr. Future-Boss is thumbing through his latest wave of applications to position of Senior Fancy-Pants. He’s looking for a particular background with a particular set of skills, and, by George, you have all those particulars down like you’ve planned it all these years.

But you know what? He never sees your application. In fact, he tosses in the “Send to Incinerator” bin, the contents of which will be sent immediately to the incinerator where it will be converted into ashes and then returned to Mr. Future-Boss’s office where Mr. Future-Boss and his assistant will sip ginger ale and dance on the ashes.

I’ll answer your first question: I don’t know what kind of dance they’re doing, but if I had to guess I’d say the Charleston. To respond to your second query, I’d have to say that the reason why it got sent to the incinerator was because missing a key element. Not a crisp hundred-dollar bill paperclipped to the back of your application, but instead a cover letter.

Now I know nobody writes letters anymore except foppish dukes in powdered wigs, but that’s why this is called a cover letter. You don’t need to write a letter, but you sure as heck need a cover letter.

What does that entail? Well according to the Purdue OWL, you want to begin with a little bit of this:

• State the university you attend, your major, and what position you are applying for (if you are a student).
• Mention where you heard about the job.
• Mention the name of a professor or other contact who has a positive connection with the company.
• Bring up any previous conversations you have had with your reader (i.e., at a job fair).

Intros consist of some name dropping and fond reminiscence, or at least pretend fond reminiscence. Name dropping shows how connected you are and how enthusiastic you might be to get this job. Word of the wise: DO NOT GET WORDY. You want to be concise, to the point. It's fast paced world we live in folks and you don't want to get bogged down by wordy introductions and poorly-paced lead-ins that involve unnecessary information and--

Next, you want to kick it up a notch in the body, or the argument. This isn't where you argue that the one time you met your employer he was wearing two different color socks (it was a bad day for Mr. Future-Boss), but rather why you deserve this job, nay, why they deserve you. You're going to want to mention a few of these:

• Special projects
• Awards
• Accomplishments

Talk yourself up. Big time. But don't lie or exaggerate. Mr. Future-Boss might have a pretty good idea whether or not you're in Mensa because he's the secretary at their meetings. He takes darn good attendance.

Feel ready to finish? Keep these things in mind:

• Close with a strong reminder of why you are a good match for the job position and the organization.
• Request an interview in some way.
• Provide contact information.
• Thank them!
• Sign your name and print it underneath.

Mr. Future-Boss has what they call the short-term memory loss. He swears he's like Guy Pearce in Memento, but his assistant (and most people know better). Regardless, he's going to forget why you're a top candidate for Senior Fancy-Pants after he gets done reading the body. You also want to talk to him in the future--you know, to convince him further why you'd be the best Senior Fancy-Pants to come through in the last twenty years. You'll want to leave your name, number, and address in case he wants to don his powdered wig and write you back, and while you're at it sign the bottom so he can see how good of penmanship you have. Or see how good the handwriting is of your close friend who has good handwriting. Again, he might forget your name so a signature should remind him of it.

And thank him because Mr. Future-Boss is a busy man with little time to dawdle.

Need some visuals? Check 'em.

From the Comma Police to the Judge's Sentence

If you'll recall Gina's Radiohead homage/how to on introductory clauses and comma use, you'll remember that commas are used both after introductory phrases and when introducing someone. But you may be shocked to learn that commas have a few other uses that might just blow your mind. You may also note that the title of this post was a poorly-constructed attempt to do her post homage, but please forgive me. Parody is not my strong suit.

Commas (or as some confused people call them, "comas") are often thrown in by budding writers when they think a natural pause appears. It's like they want to mark a spot where the reader can take a breath if reading out loud. While it's certainly kind of them, it's unnecessary.

You may be asking, "Doug, can I use my commas in my cooking?"

"No," I answer, though I am interested in seeing you try.

You then ask, "Can I use them to stick together pieces of paper?"

"Not quite," I respond, "but you're getting closer."

Before you can even get a word out, however, I excitedly shout the answer, "YOU CAN PUT SENTENCES TOGETHER WITH THEM!!!" While you're recovering from my outburst, allow me to explain.

Compound sentences are essentially combinations of two sentences slapped together. One of the ways you can do so is with a comma and a connector. For example:

I lost the bet, so now I have to wear a dress.

The first sentence here is "I lost the bet," while the second one is "now I have to wear a dress." You'll notice there is also a "so" there. What of this "so"? It's our connector, a coordinating conjunction like for, and, nor, but, or, and yet. Add the "so" on the end there and you'll remember the words easily: "FANBOYS."

Now you're telling me, "But Doug, I know this already. It's kids stuff."

Slow down there, sport. I got something else to tell you. There's another way you can paste two sentences together and it's with a little something I (and most people) like to call a semi-colon. You've probably seen it before; you might see it in this sentence here. You'll recognize it as the little brother to the colon, like a colon with a tail, but truthfully the two punctuation marks are functionally dissimilar. Let's look at our earlier compound sentence:

I lost the bet; now I have to wear a dress.

It looks a little cleaner, doesn't it? No comma, but also no connector. Don't let the cleanliness fool you, however. If you use a semicolon too much, you may get semicolon-happy. Some people want to use a semicolon when they actually want to use a comma. Our EIU Writing Center Punctuation Pattern Sheet notes that it's "most effective when used sparingly." Too many semicolons can make your paper semigood.

It's important to remember that, though the semicolon looks like a comma with a great idea, they're not perfectly interchangeable. Think of the dot in the semicolon as compensating for the missing connector; if you don't have the dot, all you have is a comma. And then you just look ridiculous.

National Novel Writing Month

November means three things to a student: papers, Thanksgiving, and avoiding papers until after Thanksgiving. But to some of us, it means one additional thing: National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. If you've ever taken a creative writing class comprised of some of the "hardcore" folks who actually enjoy writing, you've surely heard the phrase. While I personally disdain the phrase in its abbreviated form (it sounds like a technology from a pulpy science fiction series), I've always been attracted to the idea behind it as a creative writer. I must confess I've never actually made an attempt to participate.

The goal is simple. You have thirty days beginning on November 1st at midnight and ending on November 30th at 11:59 PM to write 50,000 words. Say you have about 250 words to the page. Do the math and you'll find that it comes out to be, like, a 1000 pages. Or something. I may carried a number wrong, but math is not my strong point. In any case, assuming you fire off the necessary amount of words by the end of the month, you'll have yourself a beautiful novel.

Then again, it may not be that pretty. Part of the fun/torture of NaNoWriMo (there I go, doing it myself) is taking no time to edit and focusing on pure, nasty generation. According to the website, it's "a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing," which translates into, "you'll probably hate what you wrote when you read it later." They even have the good hear to warn you that "you will be writing a lot of crap." But they insist "that's a good thing." And I'm inclined to agree with them.

As writers, we want to edit as we go, often causing problems for us as we compose. Our internal editor is shouting away at us in our minds, reminding us that "that's crap" we just smeared on the screen/page/napkin. But with NaNoWriMo (ugh) we accept it, nay, we embrace it!

So why do it? The official website offers a few reasons ("To stop being one of those people who say, 'I've always wanted to write a novel,'" or "To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties") and though they may not seem the most productive reasons, I assure you there is something to get out of it aside from a bunch of pages of a mess. By participating in NaNoWriMo, you're pushing yourself to become a more dedicated writer. You set goals for yourself (write 1,600 words a night, 12,500 a week, etc.). The most beneficial thing about National Novel Writing Month (haha!) is that you get to gag that internal editor and stuff him in the trunk until he learns to play nice. Or until you're done with your novel.

Now, off to write 1,600 words of garbage.

BrbAfkLolBbq - A Modest Proposal

For the majority of readers with cell phones and texting plans or voracious instant messaging habits, those letters look familiar to you. All too familiar. They're all shorthand--quick and to the point. Going to be away for a bit? "Be right back"--"brb." Away for longer? "Away from keyboard." Want to eat barbecue? "Bbq."

In the last few years, text messaging has risen from small trend to full-blown epidemic. The language has become such a central part to what we write that it's usurped our formal written language. In some papers, people type "2" instead of "to." The worst part is, even if they proofread carefully, they may not find the error for the simple fact that they don't see it an error. They use it in their everyday language, so what's the problem?

Unfortunately, instructors haven't gotten the memo that textspeak is okay, nor have some of us who were late to the texting game. Though I shudder to think of a world in which textspeak is like a macabre form of newspeak, we can fight the possibility of this. Now here's what I propose:

Stop using textspeak.

I'm not saying don't text any more. Text to your heart's desire! But try it just once--a text message in which you eliminate the numbers for letters and grossly-used shorthand. While it is just a bit more time consuming, newer phones are designed with auto-correct and similar technologies that do not allow you to use shorthand unless it's programmed in. And honestly, it may be difficult to do at first. So try it little by little. Drop your shorthand. Try a full sentence just once! Maybe, just maybe, you'll find you like using full words.

Ttyl.

Essay Exams, The Basic Skills Test, & "Writing on the Spot: Essay Exams" Workshop

The EIU Writing Center doesn’t only provide feedback about academic papers or scholarship essays. Writing consultants there can help you with any document you've drafted, or they can help you get the writing process started by having a conversation about the assignment and brainstorming ideas.

As the DEN has informed readers about recently, to be accepted into any teacher education programs at Eastern, students must first take and pass all parts of the Basic Skills Test. Because most programs have become more rigid with class scheduling during the sophomore and junior years of college, people recommend that students take the test in their first year or sophomore year of college.

What does this have to do with writing, you might ask?

A lot since there are writing assignments on the exam.

The Basic Skills test is required for all Education majors because it is used to asses that prospective teachers have the analytical and communication skills that they can implement in the classroom. This test consists mainly of essay tests. So being prepared and knowing the process of writing a timed essay is crucial for success on the Basic Skills Test. Getting ample practice before the big day of the test is very important, especially since students can take the test no more than five times.

On Thursday, October 6, 2011, the Writing Center will provide a workshop titled "Writing on the Spot: Essay Exams" at 3:30 p.m. in the Writing Center (3110 Coleman Hall). This interactive session will focus on strategies that will help students on the typical essay exams they write in college, and it also could help Education majors who are concerned about the Basic Skills Test.

In addition, last spring this blog provided some advice about the challenge of in-class/timed essays in the post "Essay Exam Writing Tips."

Mid-term exams are approaching and the Basic Skills Test is important if you're an Ed major, so checking out the link above and attending the workshop tomorrow will better prepare you for what's ahead.

Give Me Writing, or Give Me Death

Freewriting--we all do it, but do we do it enough? It's one of the most valuable prewriting strategies we have at our disposal, but do we treasure it as much as we ought to? Maybe it's the difficulty sitting down and just spewing words across the page that pulls us away from utilizing freewriting. Or maybe it's the comfort in knowing that we've got no reason to rush; the words will still be there when we lift our pens or take our hands from the keyboard, barring some freak accident in which we lose a computer or notebook.

But say the words weren't there long after you stopped typing or writing. Say the words just deleted themselves out of existence as if you held Ctrl + Z down for a prolonged amount of time. The only way to protect your words is to keep writing. Dawdle too long and some unseen force will gobble up your words like deviled eggs.

Fellow writing consultant Stephen Jefferies brought to my attention the website Write or Die, which brings such a nightmare to life. Designed by "Dr Wicked" (unknown whether he's a medical doctor or just has his PhD), Write or Die offers you a field in which you can write and pray that you stay productive enough that you don't lose your precious letters.

You begin by selecting a Word Goal--the number of words you plan to make it to. Achieve this goal and your words are protected. Then you select a Time Goal--a time limit to beat. Then there are varying consequences: "Gentle Mode," "Normal Mode," "Kamikaze Mode," and "Electric Shock Mode." Then you have three options for "Grace Periods": "Forgiving," "Strict," and "Evil."

"How masochistic!" you exclaim.

"Yes!" I concur, "but with the pain comes reward!" Write or Die essentially lights a fire under your seat; wait too long and you lose everything, and by everything I mean every word you so desperately generated. You have no time to pause, no time to breathe, no time to even blink. Waste too much time and time will waste your words.

If you wish to support Dr Wicked, you can purchase the "Desktop Edition" for $10, or if you'd prefer your torture pro bono you can take advantage of the Write or Die Online option.

Do the Genre Swap

Well, summer is just a week away, and you all know what that means! Time to write! That’s right. Summer is the perfect time to write and try new things. Besides, it’s always good to write over the summer so you don’t get rusty. Writing is a skill that you need to keep practicing, and if you go all summer without writing, the fall semester will start a little rough. Now, I’m not saying go write a research paper or anything like that. I’m saying go have some fun with writing. So what I’m here to do is to suggest a writing exercise that is usually found in creative writing workshops. It’s called the Genre Swap and this is how it goes:

Take a genre you love. For me, I say the zombie genre. I love everything zombie. Then take that genre and list 3 reasons why you love it. Here’s my list:

1. The implications of a society/culture destroying itself.

2. The fact that the humans are typically the real villains/monsters of a zombie story.

3. The pattern of survivors found in almost every zombie story.

Now that you have the genre you love, name a genre you hate. For me, I would say the romance genre. Ughh, every time I see or hear “romance genre” I think Fever Pitch (what an awful movie). Okay, so once you name a genre you hate, go ahead and list 3 reasons why you hate it. Here’s my list for the romance genre:

1. The ridiculous back and forth: I love you. I hate you. I love you. Uhh, just decide already!

2. The minuscule reasons the couple will break up for: Oh you love the Red Sox? I’m leaving you.

3. The lack of deeper meaning within the majority of the genre.

Okay, so now is the time to do the genre swap. Write a story that falls under the genre you hate, but while doing that, swap your lists and write the genre you hate with the elements of the genre you love. I know what you’re thinking: “Chris, your example means a zombie romance story. That doesn’t make sense.” Oh really? I point you to Shaun of the Dead or Fido. It can be done and this exercise can be a lot of fun. This is just something to try and have fun with. So when you are looking for something to do this summer, pick up a pen and paper and write a little. You won’t regret it.

Practice & Resilience

As you can see below and to the right, Presentation Zen is one of our recommended blogs on this site.

While the author Garr Reynolds squarely focuses on giving presentations, which involve rhetorical concerns and writing obviously, in his posts, his March 24 entry, "Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight: The Power of Japanese Resilience," is a reflective piece on the tragedy in Japan and how the Japanese people are resilient in the face of such a horrible natural disaster.

In one section of his post, Reynolds, who lives in Japan, offers his own perspective on the well-known proverb that is part of the title of his entry: "You see this ethic reinforced in all facets of Japanese culture including education, business, sports, the martial arts, the Zen arts, etc. It is especially important to remember the sentiment expressed in this proverb when times are dark. There are no quick fixes in life and anything of real worth will necessarily take much struggle and perseverance. Success does not have to be fast--what's more important is that one simply does their absolute best and remains persistent."

Personally, I've been drawn to this proverb for a long time. I think I was first introduced to it in junior high school from something I read if I remember correctly. Regardless and in what is a leap here because I'm moving from the situation in Japan to matters about writing, I've applied the principle to my life in general but specifically to my writing life.

Of course, comparing what's happened and what's currently happening in Japan to the trials and tribulations of people writing papers in college or faculty members writing papers for presentation and publication could venture toward the ridiculous, toward the absurd.

I have linked Reynolds' post out of admiration for the resilience of the Japanese people. I do not mean to equate the two in a one-to-one manner; that is not my intent. So I hope you stay with me here.

Why You Should Actually Attend Readings

No doubt you've seen advertisements about readings being held throughout campus. Perhaps you've gone to a few that relate to your class work, or whose topics interested you. But have you ever considered how attending readings and presentations may impact your own writing?

The truth is, hearing a paper read aloud is completely different from reading it silently to yourself. (This is, in fact, a great proofreading skill.) When listening to someone read aloud, you get a sense of flow and rhythm, an idea of how words sound. If you pay close attention, this can affect how you yourself put words and sentences together—pattern yourself off of the patterns of others. It's okay to take inspiration from others, as long as you avoid outright plagiarism.

It also helps to attend readings and presentations that you otherwise wouldn't attend. For example: if you are an Education major with an English concentration, perhaps you should attend a reading about plate tectonics. Sounds boring, right? But just think—not all of the writing in the world revolves around teaching English. There's a lot you can take away from a geology essay. Use of terminology, for example; or the way the presenter may take information that is otherwise boring to you, and make it fun and engaging (believe me, this actually happens). If you're going to be teaching English to a room full of high schoolers who don't care about the symbology of the letter "A" in The Scarlet Letter, you'll need to engage them somehow.

Voilà! Any reading, any presentation, can help you with your own writing. You just have to pay attention—if not to the subject matter, then to the way it's read, or the way the presenter delivers the information. This may mean adding a few more "to-do's" onto your already-busy schedule, but believe me, it pays off in the long run. And who knows—you just may have some fun. (Really!)

Practice Those Skills

Let me ask you a question. How many times have you heard that writing is a talent and that only the talented should perform it? I’m guessing more than once. I know I have. Well, I’m here to tell you that the idea of writing being for the talented is a bunch of malarkey. Writing is a skill. And like any skill, it must be practiced.

As Dan talked about in his post “Using Your Syllabi to Plan Your Writing Assignments,” it is essential to understand when all of your assignments are due. Having that information allows you the time to strategize your plan of attack. But that is only half the battle. Writing, as I said, must be practiced. It is incredibly difficult to write a larger length piece when you haven’t been writing throughout the semester. Trust me on that one.

For that reason, you need to make sure you are practicing your writing as much as possible. We are at the end of Week 6, meaning there are only 9 weeks left in the semester. That may seem like a lot of time, but it will go quickly, and if you haven’t been practicing your writing, those larger assignments are going to be even more difficult. But here’s the good news! There is still time to build up your writing stamina.

And I know what you’re thinking: “But Chris, what should I be writing? I don’t have the research I need to write that history paper, and I haven’t read that novel for that lit analysis paper.” Well that is a good question, and I thank you for asking it. Write anything. Putting words onto the page will help you. Write a poem. Write a short story. Write some fan fiction. Is that Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Han Solo fighting Dr. Robotnik? I think it is. Now it is up to you to create the story. There. I just gave you an awesome prompt. What? You don’t know who those people are? Well, looks like you have some research to do before you can write.

On a more academic side, you can write summaries for everything you read. If you read an article found on one of the library’s databases, then write a summary of that article. Writing a quick summary will do a few things: 1. It will ensure you understood what you read. 2. It gives you something to turn back to later on and remember what that article was about. 3. It gives you some material you might be able to pull into your actual paper.

As long as you are writing, you will be growing and learning. Write some fan fiction. Write a summary of an article. Take the extra step and write for class and yourself. So as we go into this weekend, take some time to do some writing. Practice those skills. You won’t regret it.